The printed menu is supplemented by chalk boards offering up delicious sounding starters and mains that made choosing what to eat very hard. Items not seen on most restaurant’s menus like pigs trotter and tartar make for some interesting debates.

I went with the artichoke and scallop starter and my main was a braised lamb dish. The food was good, but not incredible; my lamb was a little overdone. For dessert I had the chocolate fondant and Crème brûlée with a berry sorbet which was perfect in every way.

Highs: Great service, the dessert was spectacular.
Lows: While the food was good, I didn’t feel like it quite lived up to the hype. Having a medium rare dish served sliced and still getting it wrong is not something you expect when you’re at a place like Bizerca.

In Brief: Bizerca is a lovely restaurant with a wide selection of, sometimes unique, dining options and generally good food, but slight attention to detail issues and a somewhat expensive menu make it difficult to want to make it one of our regular spots.

I give it three and a half stars.

Like any addict, I am always looking for the next fix… something that will alter my perception of the world, align the planets and the let me commune with the animals. I’ve had Buffalo Ribs in Canada that could make a grown man cry, I’ll eat Vida E’s overpriced little milk tarts over and over again because they are simply perfect everytime. There’s a place around the corner that does an awesome steak roll for R55 and comes with the most amazing sauce. I’ve had boerewors rolls that tasted like heaven. I’ve had instant coffee out of a flask on the top of table mountain, and it rivalled the best… and I’ve eaten at some pretty swanky places (including my own couch, courtesy of my fiance who knows a few things about foood).

When an addict hears about a new dealer on the scene with new, supposedly awesome, crack… the addict does what addicts do… They go and get them some…

This is the point in the story where you find me sitting at a table, having just found of that the ambiguous, nothing-to-write-home-about, cocktail I’d just consumed actually cost R90… I had previously joked about it costing R70… har – fucking – har… and I’m paying for two of us.

The wine list goes around and of course with R90 cocktails the wine was going to be priced crazily… We settled on a bottle that cost R280, for wine that probably sells for less than R60…The waiter said that the by-the-bottle prices were slightly cheaper. They weren’t… we figured this out afterwards. Some snacks are brought to the table for us to “try”.

We all went for the Bento Box special. R195 for a box of 6 dishes. 1. Deep fried calamari pieces (nice) 2. White fish (boring and possibly overdone) 3. Rice and misc veggie (boring) 4. Two tiny pieces of fish rolled up and served on a bed of greens.. (boring) 5. Ceviche (overdone <— How do you achieve that?) 6. Five pieces of sushi: Two Nigiri (boring) and Three small Maki with the tiniest amount of fish (bleh)

The desert was actually nice. Malva pudding sliver with a melon ball sized dollop of citrusy ice cream and some very tasty creme anglaise.

I ordered coffee… it was okay. Not R26 okay, but okay.

The bill arrives and I bring up the fact that they’ve charged us for the snacks they brought to the table… R120 for 12 bleh little taco snacks (there were 7 of us) and R40 for the bowl of steamed beans they brought us at the bar when I was savouring my very expensive, very regular tasting, cocktail. Oh also, R35 for having a tab opened.

So after feeling relatively jacked by the generally boring food, I have to add the not so lovely feeling of being jacked by the waiter bringing random shit to the table and expecting us to pay for it. This was corrected.

It’s said that if you have to ask how much the yacht costs you can’t afford it… and perhaps all the shiny rich people who were at Nobu this evening didn’t think twice paying for their not-so-complimentary taco-snacks and overpriced, boring food… and that’s fine… but I’m not them, and if you’re reading this you probably aren’t one of them either. You’re probably an addict just like me looking for the next fix…

And if you’re like me you are actually willing to spend R450 on a meal that blows your mind and makes you connect with the trees and unicorns. Sadly we’re going to have to keep on looking because it isn’t at Nobu.

I guess I’m not drinking the kool-aid on this one. All the 70′s décor and odd Japanese cliché entrance chants can’t make up for the fact that Nobu was, quite sadly, “regular”… regular and very overpriced.

Perhaps I’m just too poor to eat at places like Nobu? I think though that this is more about feelings and boring food than the wallet damage. I guess Nobu will probably always have a steady stream of stupidly-wealthy hotel guests to fill its tables, but I do not believe that they aren’t hoping desperately for some regular bread-and-butter income from the few million Capetonians living on their doorstep. I don’t see that happening unless Nobo figures out that while there are some of us willing to spend healthy amounts of cash on good food, we expect that food to be better than all the other places we regularly eat at.

ps. I still think Willoughby’s has amazing value for money and you should try Mango Ginger in Observatory for that awesome steak roll. We had lunch at Madre’s Kitchen in Stanford this weekend… stunning.

• Mindset is King. I don’t know what flipped the switch in my head, but I feel ready to diet now. I think this is very much to the “can’t quit until you really want to quit” argument for drug addicts etc.
• It’s not that hard. I’m not hungry. When I notice myself getting hungry it’s usually less than an hour away from lunch time etc so I just push through till then.
• I feel better. It’s not that I used to feel bad, but I just generally feel better, less lethargic. I didn’t expect this.
• Eating smaller portions is a habit you can get addicted to. I used to eat really big meals, now I’m trying to see how little I can eat while staying healthy.
• It doesn’t take long for your body to adjust… by Thursday I was already feeling stuffed after eating a relatively small dinner.
• It can be hard to make healthy food interesting but it also gives you the freedom to experiment a lot since you’re going to be having a chicken breast 3 times a week etc. My chef is doing a really good job of trying to keep dinners interesting.
• I get cravings for massively unhealthy food (think deepfried everything). This is probably the result of my body not knowing what the hell is going on and trying to get me to eat some “normal” food. This will obviously pass.
• At this point I’m very aware of the diet still, I’m sure that as I carry on it will become “normal” and I’ll stop thinking about it.
• Saturdays are dietary “off days” and I had a chicken mushroom pie. My lord did it taste good ;)
• Fruit is pretty good stuff.
• I’m aiming at a loss of 1kg per week. I lost 2.5kg in the first week. I don’t expect that trend to necessarily carry on into the subsequent weeks, but who knows? I’ll keep you posted.

Lovane Boutique Wine Estate was gorgeous and perfect. It’s on the Cape Town side of Stellenbosch so you can get out of the city after work and be sipping wine on the balcony overlooking the vineyards while the sun is still out.

Best of all was the food. A sirloin steak buffet with a mushroom sauce and tons of veggies and a green salad. Dessert was homemade ice cream with chocolate sauce. It was delectable in its simplicity. Something that the GeekDinners have been missing out on since we were at Mell’s Kitchen. The meal was perfectly paired with the bottle of wine had been generously placed on our table by Perdeberg.

Which brings me to a point about food. My partner is a chef. Her life is food and she’s incredibly fussy about getting food perfect… As a result I have eaten some pretty amazing meals ranging from the utterly sublime to french toast.

Perfection turns out to be very hard, even for the simple things. How do you fry a perfect egg? How is the perfect roast chicken prepared?

What any chef who truly knows their craft will tell you, if they’re being honest, is something that any good drummer will also tell you. To really impress, perfect the basics, keep it simple and introduce your own subtle flare to hook the person eating (or listening).

Complicated rhythms that mix 3 time signatures and require super human levels of coordination only impress drumming nerds. Also, making food too complicated before you’ve perfect the basics is like taking part in the 100m sprint before you’ve learnt to walk and too much complexity will just taste like noise to most people, even the “experts”.

Lovane got it right. They got the basics right and they had their own subtle touches which finished it all off nicely. The price was perfect, the venue was perfect. I just need to return to see if their wines are perfect!

If you’ve got a function and need a venue for around 55 people I can thouroughly reccommend Lovane.

Charly’s Bakery is quite surreal; when you walk in the door it feels a little like you just stepped onto a scene from Charlie and The Chocolate Factory. I will keep you posted on how good the cake tasted.

Over and Out!

J.

I felt very happy walking out of that office though. It was like taking a big step towards being a grown up… like the first time a salary clears in your bank account, or the first time you tell your boss to shove it. Steps towards being a big person basically ;)

Then we went home and opened the bottle of champagne. Although this last step was purely an administrative process, the fact that we signed something like 100 sheets of paper made it feel champagne worthy.

Lynnae had made a South East Asian curry for a shoot that day which we promptly consumed… It was so good it had me grinning from ear to ear. I’m telling you guys, being a grown up is underrated.

Hearting life!

My weekend was as such:

Friday night we stayed in, drank Urbock (my new favourite beer) and watched Rocky V.

Saturday we had a nice little breakfast at home, then went wine tasting and lunching at Anura, then went to Kerry Anne & Paul’s for dinner. Then fell asleep because we had eaten too much.

Sunday morning’s breakfast was Avo on toast with grated cheese and lots of nandos garlic peri-peri sauce. Next we we went to Lynnae’s place and tasted her first batch of home-brewed beer… and then set up the fermenter for a second batch… (23 liters at a time baby!)

Then we popped in at my parentals because I love them. My dad hauled out his 1972 Scope Magazine so that Lynnae could read the story about *his* real near death experience at sea.

1972 Scope magazine is crazy! It’s full of ads for things that you can’t believe anyone would buy, like high-tech weight loss machines and anti-smoking pills… oh wait… Surprisingly enough there were only 2 ads for cigarettes and no boobies. Another thing I noticed is how so many of the ads mentioned how the product is being widely used in America as if to legitimise it. They had a “food section” which Lynnae was rather taken by. The “food styling” which, albeit in a dirty men’s magazine, was rather atrocious. I think I might borrow it and scan some of the more crazy stuff.

Then I spend the evening working on my new pet project (out soon) while Lynnae killed zombies on the xbox.

When in Rome homies… when in Rome!

If you’ve got an hour I suggest you watch this video. Michael Pollan, author of various books, most recently “In Defence of Food“, introduces his book and attempts to break down the modern incorrect societal theories we have of food.

I particularly appreciate his analogy of the food scientists playing the role of priests acting as mediators between us and the magical (invisible) nutrients… priests who also get paid more when we eat more.

The secret to getting inspired by bread making is simple… You need a simple fool-proof recipe to get yourself going and inspire you to try crazier and crazier things. Don’t be foolish and dive straight into something fancy because if it flops you might just lose interest.

Ok, foolproof recipe. I know it off by heart… (funny saying that… seems quite apt)

Jonathan’s No-Bread-Tin-Required White:

Ingredients:

• 3 and a half cups of regular cake flour (basically flour)
• 1 and a quarter cups of warm water.  (body temperature)
• 1 table spoon of salt
• 1 table spoon of sugar
• 1 sachet (10grams) of yeast

Directions:

1. Put the warm water in a small bowl.
2. Add the yeast to the bowl, stir it up a bit.
3. Put the flour, salt and sugar in a bigger mixing bowl. (you could use a pot if you wanted to)
4. Add the yeast water to the flour, salt and sugar and mix it up as best you can with a fork in a minute. (This is to try and keep your hands relatively clean)
5. Once it’s kinda mixed up start using your hands and mix it up some more until you have one big clump of dough.
6. Next, sprinkle some flour on a counter top and start kneading the dough on the flour. The flour is to try and stop it from sticking.
7. You’re looking for something about the same consistency as play-dough. It mustn’t be gooey or sticky.
8. Depending on the flour and a whole myriad of weirdnesses, you might need to add some more flour or water to the dough to get it the right consistency BUT don’t be lazy. It might look too dry initially but once you knead the dough for a while it might end up seeming too wet.
9. You should probably spend about 15 minutes in total kneading the dough. The best technique is to repeatedly fold the dough over on top of itself.
10. Once you’ve got a nice big ball of dough, put some oil in a clean pot at least twice as big as the ball of dough you currently have and then put your piece of dough in the pot, making sure to cover the ball with a thin layer of oil.  You want the sides of the pot/bowl to have a thin layer of oil too so that the dough won’t stick to the sides of the pot when it rises.
11. Cover it with a dish towel (if possible some cling-film too) and stick it in a warm place. On top of or near a hot water cylinder is awesome.  The dish towel is too keep out the light and keep in the heat.
12. 60 minutes later it will have risen to almost it’s complete size. Without punching it around too much flip your ball over onto a slightly oiled baking tray. I like to put the tray on top of the bowl and flip them over together to try and minimise how much I beat up the dough. It will disappointingly collapse as a lot of the air escapes. Never fear.
13. Leave the pot on top of the dough for another 20 minutes to give the dough a second chance at rising and then put the tray with your huge lump of dough in the oven on 200 degrees Celsius for about 20 minutes. You’ll want it to be golden brown but not dark.
14. Take it out, give it 2 minutes to cool and cut yourself a slice…
15. Bread and butter is an awesome thing.